Happy Birthday, Myli!

My little girl that I have yet to meet is 7 today! I have to admit it's another bittersweet day. Even way back when we were expecting her to be home by Thanksgiving, I always had this date in the back of my mind. For sure, she would be home for her birthday...

It's hard to think about her growing up all this time without us. It's hard to wonder how much longer it will be... I think I've been building a bit of an emotional wall around myself this last month, since we were told that things were not going well. So much so that I actually got some good news last Friday and haven't felt as excited as I should be. We were told that the last of the necessary documents could be finished this week. And it's not just good news because of the papers might be finished, but even that they are ABLE to be finished! There is still a major hurdle even after the papers are ready, so I don't know if that's why I still feel so guarded, or if it's just because we're so numb from the emotional ups and downs. Well, so much for a "happy" birthday post! To end on a positive, though, I'm going to share the first of a series of letters I've been writing in a journal for Myli. Re-reading them helps me bring back some of the earlier joy I felt before we encountered so many stumbling blocks.

October 31, 2007

Dear Myli,

I sat staring at your pictures tonight thinking about the fact that very soon you will be my daughter for the rest of your life, and I've never even met you yet! It's so hard for me to understand, I can only imagine how hard it may be for you, but I'm going to do my best to show you how much we already love you and know that you are meant to be part of our family. It overwhelms me to think that God has a plan to knit our lives together from opposite sides of the world.

Seven years ago today, I found out that I was pregnant. Now I know that your birthmother was carrying you at the very same time. In fact, 5 days before you were born, I found out that I was carrying a baby girl - your sister, Woogie. I was thinking about this one night soon after I found out that you would be our daughter, and I suddenly realized that less than 2 years before you were born (just after Legoboy was born), I had a vivid dream that I had twin girls. It was so real that I remember telling people about it, almost believing the next time I was pregnant, I would be having TWO baby girls. I was startled to realize that after 6 years, I am finally getting my two little girls I saw playing together in my dream!

You are so beautiful! I feel like I must still be dreaming because in just 3 short weeks, I should be holding you in my arms! I'm so excited, but so nervous! I don't know what you'll think of us! We're not sure how well we'll be able to communicate at first, but we are trusting God. He has been with us every step of the way - guiding, encouraging, and providing for us. We know we can continue to trust and depend on Him!